I am having trouble with my conclusion paraph.

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Description

I am having trouble with my conclusion paraph.

Question

Hi. I wrote a 2000 essay. However, I am having trouble with my conclusion paraph. I feel like I added extra information in my last paragraph. ın the last paragraph, I tried to explain the solution. However, in the first paragraph, I tried to summarize my topics which supports my thesis. I would be happy if you would check my paraph and tell me what is wrong with it.

To conclude, there are devastating effects of neoliberalism on people and they should not be used as a policy. As a result of the privatization of the public services Daniel Blake and her friend could not get any help. furthermore, due to poverty, which was brought by neoliberalism, to the working-class people, Katie could not find any job and had to prostitute herself. Besides neoliberal policies lead people to do illegal things to survive. For instance, the neighbor of Daniel started smuggling to survive. Furthermore, since people get more individualized, they become more alienated to each other, which make them selfish human being, therefore in society, no one helps each other. Similarly, Katie did not receive any help to expect Daniel. Also, when people become selfish and individualized beings who think only for themselves, the state and employers wanted to employ people who work less money so that the state and companies can grow. Therefore the neighbor of Daniel earned 3 pounds for work in the warehouse, which lead him to smuggle.

Consequently, all of these acts show how neoliberalism corrupted the British working class. However, this corruption can be seen in not only the British working class but all over the world. Therefore there is a question that needs to ask. How people will get rid of this corruption? However, there is only one way to get rid of this corruption. And it can only be done by getting rid of neoliberal policies. Otherwise, people will continue to leave under the influences of big corporations, which is right now more important than lives and states. Therefore people all over the world should unite and get rid of neoliberal policies.

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